Welcome To Limbo!
by Marauder-girl
Summary: When Sirius died he thought he’d have no more worries…. But fate has one last cruel twist up its sleeve before he can make it into heaven… Rated 'R' because there is a lot of swearing!
1. The begining of the end, or the end of

Welcome to Limbo

A fic By Marauder (I'm a very evil and twisted) Girl

A/N: Okay I'm officially warped…. I have NO idea how this worked it's way into my mind… but I've decided to be a little cruel to Sirius for once –Evil Grin- Please feel free to flame or review this… either's good…. It at least means someone is reading this

DIS: I do not own any of the characters…. Except the ones you don't recognize… which will probably be Sirius's mum and Dad and whoever else I pull out of the gutter. The rest is J.K's

Dedication: To Remecial, for being a fabulous artist and encouraging me with this.

Summary: When Sirius died he thought he'd have no more worries…. But fate has one last cruel twist up its sleeve before he can make it into heaven…

Chapter 1: The beginning of the end, or the end of our beginning?

There was darkness, only darkness because our little hero had yet to open his eyes. With an almighty effort Sirius Black last heir of the Black family opened his eyes and stared up at the 'Ceiling…? Why the hell is there a ceiling here?'

"Mr Black if you'd kindly get up off my floor I'd be much obliged. You're scuffing the varnish"

Sirius jumped as though he had just received a 1,000,000 volt shock and sat up looking at the source of the voice…. But there was no one to be seen.

"Over here Mr Black" called the voice again

Sirius stood up and looked around wildly, just where the hell was he and why was he hearing things. The last thing he could remember was fighting that bitch of a cousin Bella and getting stunned or something, but then there was nothing….

"Ahem!" Coughed the voice irritably "Down here Mr Black."

Again Sirius spun around wildly and then looked down in the direction of what he assumed was the floor. He was quite surprised when he saw who was speaking. It was an angel…. Well from what he could tell it was an angel, he was only around three foot in height with short stumpy wings that seemed tattered with age, the same could be said for his clothes, equally as ancient, equally as grubby. His face was hardly discernable under the mountain range of wrinkles that covered it. Still in shock he asked the first question that came to his mind.

"Who the fuck are you?"

The angel bristled and used his rather crappy wings to hover for a moment while he slapped the taller man around the head.

"That is no way to speak to God's right hand man you stupid boy!" he bellowed, folding his arms in a scolding manner.

Sirius scowled mightily rubbing the sore spot and glaring at the dwarf man in front of him.

"That still doesn't answer my question you bastard midget!" Snarled the black haired man, his infamous temper starting to peek out.

SMACK.

"OOOOOWWW!! Will you stop Fucking hitting me…. What am I doing!!!!!"

SMACK.

"Come on if you don't quit it I'm gonna do something you'll regret!"

SMACK.

"Rule one…" said the little man, smirking at the now semi-conscious figure on the floor "Don't annoy, curse or threaten an angel…. As they will be forced to dole out divine retribution on your sorry backside!"

Sirius gazed up through a slightly puffy eye "Okay point made"

The angel smiled "Good! So shall we try this again?"

"Fair enough! Who are you and why am I here." Sirius wrestled his temper under control and muttered the words through gritted teeth.

"That's better" Chuckled the grubby little man "My name is Saint Peter…. But you can just call me Petey."

Sirius gaped in shock "YOU'RE Saint Peter, the guardian of the gates of heaven….'El Rocco du Jesus'… Please tell me you joking!!"

SMACK.

"No young man I am not joking…. And if you want to get into said heaven I advise you wise up and listen to 'El Rocco du Jesus'!"

Sirius just glared, but remained silent. The stubby man continued "Right Mr Black, I am here to give you your judgement.."

"So I am dead..??"

SMACK.

"Don't interrupt me" Admonished the angel "Anyway…. Yes you are dead. And to get into heaven you are going to have to go through a some trials to prove yourself."

"And what would those trials be..?" asked the dark haired man, his face contorted with worry.

The angel laughed manically, doing very little to soothe the mans already frazzled nerves. "Oh nothing major and definitely not something the great Sirius Black could not handle."

Sirius gulped, his temper at breaking point "What are they you maniacal midget freak of nature!"

Petey just laughed again "Ooooo… . Sticks and stones may break my bones…. But I ain't gonna tell ya!"

Sirius began to growl like his canine alter ego, but the angel carried on his jeering.

"Ha, ha your not gonna know, you're not gonna know!!"

Eventually the animagus snapped and proceeded to pound seven shades of the nasty stuff out of the unfortunate messenger. Who of course didn't like this overly much and retaliated by unleashing some unholy fury on his ass! In the end they had to take a time out because the other 'passengers' were starting to get a little testy and were likely to start a riot. So for the moment they put their differences aside and made peace, if only for a moment while they calmed the riot.

"You are aware this is only because I don't want those other spirits to feel left out…. So I kicked their asses as well"

"Your one twisted angel man!"

"And you're the most screwed up S.O.B I've ever had to deal with!"

"Gee thanks…. So are you gonna tell me what I gotta do or what….??"

"Nope… wait and see!"

"Wait and see I'll give you wait and see!"

It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship…..

Or at least a comic disaster….

Limbo wouldn't know what hit it….

A/N: Yes this is crazy! Do we want to know what Sirius has to do? Then I expect at least one review!!! you hear me!


	2. A Spirited Begining!

Welcome to Limbo

Chapter Two: A Spirited Beginning.

A/N: Back again…. It's Christmas day…. And here I am writing. I'm sure that is against the law… Anywho…. This scary piece REFUSES to leave me alone…. I can't help that my warped brain is acting up…. Well enjoy. I am also blaming my new found obsession with the Yu-Gi-Oh manga on a few of the trials… I swear YOU MUST READ IT. It kicks the series (which I love by the way) ass!

Dedication: To Henrietta Black and Randomreviewer…. Who kindly reviewed this and gave me the reviews it needed to be continued.

Disclaimer: See first chapter… Although I suppose the title belongs to whoever owns the Casper movies…. Yes I did shamelessly rip it off. LOL!

The Angel and the now confirmed deceased strolled along the corridor. This place strongly reminded Sirius of ones of those shrinks offices he'd been subjected to whilst he was alive. He gave a shudder, they just creeped him out, psychiatrists that is. With their smug all-knowing looks, and creepy ulterior motives, it wasn't any wonder that people refused to visit them. They were like the dentists of the mind bending world.

The sloe headed man shook his head, he was going WAY off track, and he couldn't afford to be distracted. Not when he had heavens version of Attila the Hun next to him, who knew what this twisted old fart had in store for him.

"Ah here we are" said Petey, with a grand sweep of his arm. The grand sweep led Sirius' eyes in the way of a door…. A very old decrepit door, which like most of the things in this place, was falling off apart.

"What's through there?" asked Sirius, slightly apprehensively.

Petey just laughed, "Why your first challenge of course. And of course you first obstacle" There was a manic gleam in his eyes. "Go in and face it is you wish to ascend the to the gates of heaven."

Sirius gulped and walked through the door to…. Nothing?

"Hey what kind of cheap shot is this…. There is nothing here you stupid idiot."

This remark was promptly retaliated on with an almighty crash of thunder, which finally drove through Sirius's thick skull that he shouldn't call anyone up here an idiot!.

"Hello there cousin…" came a cool feminine voice from behind him.

Sirius immediately recognized the voice and spun around looking somewhat confused. "Bella…. But you're not dead….?"

Bella's eyebrow shot up into her disastrous hair "Oh…. Right…. Toodles"

And here upon realising her mistake the author made 'The Lestrange bitch' disappear, much to the cheers of many fans…. And instead in front of our dark haired hero, materialised another person, another very familiar looking person. (Well to Sirius anyway).

"Hello brother."

Sirius' jaw dropped open, this was way to unfair even for Petey.

"Ah now that's more like it" smirked the deranged Angel from outside the room.

"Regulus…. What the fuck are you doing here!"

The ghostly image of Sirius's brother smiled sardonically. "What do you think dear brother? I'm here to administer your first challenge."

Sirius gave the spirit a funny look "And that would be?"

Regulus looked confused for a minute "Um…. I'll get back to you on that one" he then quickly pulled out what appeared to be a script and began perusing it.

"Okay done the meeting of evil brother" he muttered as Sirius gave an outraged cry of 'HEY!'

"Set down that I'm challenging him, check…. Ah here we are laugh manically and then kick his ass in the challenge… okay!"

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sirius you shall never see the bliss of Heaven!"

"You still haven't explained what we are doing!"

Here his inept and rather stupid brother did an anime fall and quickly clambered to his feet. Then striking a dramatic pose he announced. "I challenge you to a game of chess!"

This time it was Sirius's turn to do the anime fall and gaped at his brother "please tell me you are joking!"

"Nope!"

"But you suck at chess!"

"Yup!"

"Then why the hell did you pick the one game you are totally crap at?"

"I dunno?" Replied the smaller man " It's what the little voice in my head told me to play"

This statement was met with complete silence, after a few seconds tumbleweed with angle wings rolled past.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that Regulus." Said Sirius looking a little worried.

His brother just shrugged and produced a chess board from a place not even the author wishes to know about.

"So let's get this show on the road, dear brother!"

And so they played…. And played…. And played some more…. Until finally…

"Can't we make it best of 37?" Whined an utterly defeated Regulus.

"For the love of Merlin NO! I beat you already… so would the random freaky midget angel who stuck me in here please let me out now!"

This was again met with silence, followed by a faint growling.

"But brother…"

"Listen Regulus… You played well, but I beat you…. So that's, that. You have to face it."

All of a sudden the spirit of Regulus disappeared and the door at the other end of the room opened. For a moment the older Black looked confused, but then stood up and made his way through the open doorway. Outside Petey was waiting for him.

"Congratulations you passed the first test… humbleness in victory…"

Sirius just glared "That was the biggest crock of crap test ever!"

Petey gave a sharp kick to Sirius's shin, causing to cry out in pain "Do not mock my tests!"

Sirius hobbled along beside him shrugging "Yeah, yeah whatever…. I'm sure knowing you the worst is still to come!"

End Chapter Two

A/N: Sorry this took a while to get out…. Been sorta busy! Finally got it up though…. Any suggestions about where this should go? I'm really just making it up as I go along! Reviews appreciated just put 'em down there!


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